


Simulacrum

by FollowingWhiteRabbits



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: Jedi Apprentice Series - Jude Watson & Dave Wolverton, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Obi-Wan Kenobi, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Female Obi-Wan Kenobi, Fix-It, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Love Does Not Equal Attachment, Obi-Wan Needs a Hug, Respecting Jedi Culture, The Council Isn't Evil, Time Travel, Time Travel Fix-It, obi-wan gets a hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-18
Updated: 2018-06-21
Packaged: 2019-05-25 00:01:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14964768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FollowingWhiteRabbits/pseuds/FollowingWhiteRabbits
Summary: Obi-Wan knew it wasn’t real. Time travel was a myth, and Darth Sidious had shown he was more than capable of trapping someone in such a Force-illusion. Still, it hurt, seeing everyone alive, knowing that they were just simulacra, just an attempt to get her to lower her guard and spill information.Qui-Gon couldn’t believe it was real. How could his sweet and gentle padawan have grown into this hardened warrior? What had happened to her, to make her so wary of everything? It hurt, seeing her so hurt, and the worst part was that until she opened up, there was nothing he could do.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Let's do this! Let's add to the SW time travel fic pile until it's so tall it falls over!  
> ... yeah, I'm not ashamed.  
> Also, I'll try to update at least once a week, but no promises.

Sand whipped around her, so thick it blotted out the suns and the whole world appeared to be dark. She couldn't tell which direction was which, and every time she tried to take a step forward she stumbled.

She was caught, utterly and helplessly, by the sandstorm.

The wind howled in her ears, and she raised her voice to join it, screaming, yelling, crying out in pain. She continued until her lungs were empty, and then she inhaled, and did it again, and again, and again.

Eventually, her voice grew hoarse, and her screams devolved into choked-off sobs. Her arms wrapped around her middle, and she fell to her knees.

Throughout it all, the sand did not touch her. She made no effort to protect herself, but the Force wrapped around her anyway, keeping away the grains that would do her harm.

That was not what she wanted. She wanted to feel again. She wanted to hurt, she wanted to loose herself, she wanted to join her loved ones in the Force.

But that was, of course, denied to her.

Obi-Wan closed her eyes, sand whirling around her, and wept.

It had been one year since Mustafar and Order 66.

***

Qui-Gon stared at the two beds.

One contained a child, his padawan, who was in a coma. Physically, she was fine. She could breathe on her own, her heart could beat by itself. Mentally, however... well. Her brain was only active enough to keep her body running. She didn't dream, she didn't think. She didn't even have a Force-presence. It was as if she was a husk, and her consciousness had completely vanished.

According to the Shadows, it had. They said that there could only be one version of a person in a timeline, and until the current timeline diverged far enough away from the other timeline, the Force would keep his padawan's consciousness in some sort of limbo. The Shadows had promised him that once the timelines had diverged far enough, Obi-Wan would be returned, because who her current self was would no longer be the same person as the one who was in the second bed. But they didn't know how long that would take, or how many differences were required for the Force to make that distinction, and the thought of waiting weeks, or months, or even years, to have his child returned to him… it made Qui-Gon feel sick.

Because the person in the second bed may have also been Obi-Wan, but she was not his padawan. She felt different in the Force, was more closed off, had far better shielding, and was obviously a Master, not a padawan. She was Obi-Wan, yes, but she was also a stranger.

Qui-Gon closed his eyes. Force, but he had felt such horror when his padawan had reached out to touch the ancient Jedi artifact. Even though others had held it without incident, he had just known when she moved to pick it up that something bad was going to happen.

And it had.

According to the Shadows assigned to their case, Obi-Wan had experienced the events that were "most likely to occur if the device hadn't been activated."

And now she was in a coma, and an older version of herself was also in a coma, and only the older version of herself was capable of waking up anytime soon.

"Brooding again?" a voice asked from the doorway. He turned. Tahl leaned against the doorway, arms crossed. "You need to eat something, Qui. And you need to sleep. She'll be waking up soon, and something tells me that she'll need the full support of her Master when that happens. Which you won't be able to give if you're half dead."

"When she wakes up, I won't be her Master. Not anymore." He gestured to the older Obi-Wan. "She's a Master in her own right, that much is obvious."

Tahl scowled. "So you're going to be an idiot about this."

Qui-Gon barked out a bitter laugh. "Explain to me how I'm being an idiot, Tahl. What I said was hardly false."

"She appeared dehydrated, malnourished, sun-burnt, and sleep-deprived. It's obvious to anyone who's with her for more than a few seconds that mentally she's been hurt badly; even with her shielding she's bleeding pain into the Force. Also, the shields themselves are indicators that before she collapsed she was somewhere dangerous. No one maintains that level of shielding if they're safe.

"Now take into account that she's going to find herself in the past. She's going to wake up and find herself separated from all of her friends and peers. She's going to miss them, and some of those Force bonds have probably snapped, and some of them have probably weakened, like her one with you.

"She's going to need help, Qui, dealing with both wherever she was to get so hurt, and to adjust to this time period. And to do that," she crossed over to him, navigating gracefully around the bed closest to the door, "she'll reach out to someone familiar. Someone she trusts. Someone, such as a particular father-figure, who was there for all of her padawan years-"

Qui-Gon interrupted her before she could get any further. "That's the problem, Tahl. I wasn't there. Someone who I will be, perhaps, but I don't have those memories. I wasn't there to see her knighted. I wasn't there to see her become a Master. I'm not the one she's going to be looking for."

"No. But you'll get over yourself, and you'll be there for her anyway."

Qui-Gon opened his mouth to say something, noticed the glare Tahl was sending him, and promptly decided to hold his tongue.

"Now is the time when you agree with me," Tahl said. "Unless, of course, you're planning on ignoring her when she wakes up."

Qui-Gon sighed.

Tahl nodded once, satisfied. "Now go get a warm meal and some sleep. I'll stay here in case she wakes up in the meantime."

***

It had been one year since Mustafar and Order 66 when Obi-Wan went out into a sandstorm to loose herself. It had been one year since she lost it all when she collapsed amidst swirling sand.

When she woke up, it would not be one year after the rise of the Empire. It would be far, far before then.

But she wouldn't know that.


	2. Waking Up

She woke up on a bed that was soft. The cot in her hut was rough and hard, and yet the mattress beneath her right now molded to her body. It was… comfortable.

That was the first warning that something was wrong.

Then she noticed that her ever-present headache was gone. She wasn't dehydrated anymore.

Her skin, too… she was resting on her back, but her shoulders didn't hurt. She knew she was sunburned, knew that she should be in pain, especially since she had collapsed in the desert-

She had collapsed in the desert. So why was she obviously indoors?

This wasn't right.

And now that she was paying attention, she could smell bacta.

She was healed of her ailments, the bed was soft, and she could smell bacta. So she was in a healing facility.

Perhaps the Lars had found her. But no, they wouldn't have brought her to a hospital. The closest one was in Mos Espa, and it was far too expensive, especially for someone like her, whom they hated. And if the Lars wouldn't bring her to a hospital, no one on Tatooine would.

So where was she? Who had brought her here? And why?

… and if she was in a healing facility, had someone tried to identify her?

Obi-Wan had a very, very bad feeling.

Dreading what she would find, she opened her eyes.

It was so much worse than she expected.

Her heart turned to ice, and she immediately slammed up her heaviest, most powerful shields. They were so strong that they cut her off from the Force in every way that mattered, but she didn't care, because she recognized that ceiling. She recognized that ceiling, as she had spent far too many hours beneath it, with Cody or Ana… him at her side.

It was the ceiling of the Jedi Temple Healer's Ward. And it wasn't burnt, it wasn't destroyed, it was intact, and whole, and pristine.

Sidious had found her.

It was the only explanation. The Temple had been… the Temple had been destroyed, and the only way she could be seeing it in this state outside of a dream was if it were an illusion. And the only person strong enough to trap her in a Force-illusion this detailed was the one who had managed to fool the entirety of the Jedi council, Yoda included, for decades.

She closed her eyes, and allowed herself one moment of weakness. She let herself feel fear, and anger at herself for slipping up somehow, for getting caught, and she let herself feel grief, and hurt, because by the Force but seeing this was painful, and she let herself be terrified that Sidious had found Luke too, and then she shut it off.

She didn't dare release to the Force, as connecting with it would leave an entrance into her head, so she did as she had been doing for this past year. She gathered up all her emotions, and then she locked them tightly away in the corner of her mind.

She took a deep breath, put on a mask of ice, and sat up. She crossed her legs into a meditation pose, then made eye contact with the other being in the room.

It was Yoda, because of course Sidious would have her come face-to-face with the only other living Jedi.

"I'm impressed," she informed the fake Grandmaster. "I recognized the ceiling immediately. The clarity of the details is a credit to your control." The words were a compliment, but the tone in which she said it was not. She made sure to layer as much condescending surprise in her voice as she could.

Yoda's ears swiveled. "Build the ceiling myself, I did not. Credit the details of it to me, you cannot."

Obi-Wan smiled coldly. No, Sidious hadn't constructed the image of the Jedi Temple. The illusion, now that it had been implanted in her head, had taken on a life of its own. She knew it was using her memories to fill in the setting, just as it was using her memories of Yoda's mannerisms to imitate the Grandmaster. And for the things she couldn't remember, like the pattern of the shadows on the ground, or the things that were new, like Yoda's verbal responses, the illusion was utilizing her subconscious expectations.

It was really rather invasive, and it rankled that she hadn't even noticed the seed of it being planted in her mind. But all wasn't lost; now that she knew the illusion was there, she could take defensive measures. Although it would be draining, she was pretty sure she was capable of keeping Sidious completely out of her head. And though the illusion would carry out its primary function by itself, which was undoubtedly interrogation, without access to her head, Sidious wouldn't be able to see her responses in the case that she gave any.

All she would have to do would be maintain her shielding while the illusion ran its course, and she would be safely free of this nightmare.

Well. Then Sidious would move on to normal forms of torture, but she'd take things one step at a time.

"I may not be able to credit the details to you, but I can offer my compliments on the lack of blurring and shadowed corners," she said, waving a hand to vaguely indicate the entire room. "It takes someone truly skilled to seed such an elaborate illusion."

Yoda frowned. "Convinced this is an illusion, are you?"

"An illusion?" she said, putting on comical shock. "Why, of course not. I'm completely convinced that this is real."

Yoda humphed at her sarcasm. "Real, this is. Know this, you would, if listen to the Force, you did."

Obi-Wan laughed. The action felt foreign, unnatural in the worst of ways, but she did it anyway. It seemed in-character, and she didn't have the energy to physically display the hostility in her heart. "That wasn't even subtle. If you want me to expose my mind, you'll find you'll have to try harder than that."

Yoda studied her for a moment, then evidently decided to try another tactic. "Traveled in time, you have. Supposed to be just a padawan, you are. But a Master, you appear to be. Achieved the title 'Master' without listening to the Force, have you?"

Obi-Wan looked at him blankly. For a few seconds, she was actually speechless. Then-

"You want me to believe that I've traveled in time? That's how you decide to explain my presence here?" She shook her head, genuinely baffled. "You would have had much better luck-"

The door opened, cutting her off.

And for the second time that day, Obi-Wan felt her heart turn to ice.

* * *

The teacup shattered, porcelain shards scattering everywhere, but Qui-Gon didn't notice.

No. Force, no.

"Qui-Gon? Qui-Gon!" Dimly, he could hear Mace's alarmed voice, but all he could do was focus on the sudden, aching void in his head.

"I can't feel Obi-Wan," he whispered. "I can't… I can't feel Obi-Wan!"

Hands grabbed his shoulders, and a voice spoke to him. "Qui-Gon, listen to me. You have to focus. Focus on my voice. Kark, listen to me, Qui-Gon!"

But he couldn't, because Obi-Wan was gone, and even when she had touched the device, he had retained some connection with her, and when her presence had vanished, he had remained tethered to her older self, but now that older self was gone, and his padawan, the younger one, was also still gone, and that could only mean that… that she was dead, both versions of her, and-

"-just shielded, Yoda is talking to her right now, she's fine, Qui-Gon."

He caught the last bit, and looked at Mace desperately. "She's just… shielded?"

Mace nodded.

Qui-Gon could feel the wild light in his own eyes. "I've never heard of shielding that can make someone's presence disappear from their Force-bonds."

Mace's gaze went hazy as he communicated with his fellow councilor. "Yoda says she's erected mental barriers that are cutting her off from the Force."

Qui-Gon took a moment to digest that. Just shielded. She's just shielded.

His knees went weak, and he put a hand against the wall.

Okay. She wasn't dead. He didn't know why or how or when Obi-Wan had learned to do such a thing, but she wasn't dead.

He released his fear into the Force, letting calm slowly replace the less pleasant emotion. Once he had regained control, he looked Mace dead in the eye. "I am too old for scares like that, my friend." And then his mind caught up with the conversation. "Wait, she's awake?"

Mace nodded. Qui-Gon took the time to register his friend's relieved expression - evidently Mace was just happy he had stopped panicking - before he abruptly left the conversation, striding out of his quarters and heading for the Healer's Ward.

Mace followed him.

"Qui-Gon, it would be wise to wait. Yoda might need more time to explain everything-"

Qui-Gon just quickened his pace. "Mace, you and Yoda conspired to get me and Tahl out of Obi-Wan's room at precisely the time she woke up. I'm not so oblivious as to believe that a coincidence, and I'd like to remind you that I never agreed to let my grandmaster be the one to greet Obi-Wan. I'm going to go see her, and there is nothing you can say to stop me."

Mace let out an exasperated noise. "Two days ago, you weren't even sure you wanted to see her."

Two days ago, Qui-Gon had been in shock. Two days ago, he had thought he had lost his apprentice forever and that she had been replaced by a stranger. Two days ago, he and Tahl hadn't had a lengthy conversation about who the older Obi-Wan would be to him, and he hadn't had it verbally beaten into his head that yes, the Obi-Wan who would be waking up was, actually, his padawan.

Two days ago, he also hadn't thought that the older Obi-Wan had died, so there was that.

Qui-Gon considered saying all of this, but ultimately decided to just emanate annoyance. It seemed to work, because Mace didn't try to convince him again to wait, and they walked in silence until they reached the Healer's Ward.

Vokara greeted them quietly when they walked in. "I moved Obi-Wan - the younger, that is - into a different room when it became obvious she - the older, of course - was about to wake up. I decided it was better to ease her into the whole time travel thing gradually instead of hitting her with it all at once."

Qui-Gon decided to continue emanating annoyance. "Was I the only one unaware that she was waking up?" There was a split-second silence, and then he said, "You know what, I don't care. Let me see my padawan, please."

Vokara raised an eyebrow. "Not when you're radiating that into the Force, you're not."

Qui-Gon almost pointed out that Obi-Wan wouldn't be able to feel it anyway, but he really didn't want to get into an argument with the chief healer, so he put on a serene face and cut off the annoyance.

Vokara raised an eyebrow, but stepped aside.

Mace stayed back to comm Tahl, but Qui-Gon barely noticed. He opened the door to Obi-Wan's room, eager to see her.

He was unprepared for the sight that greeted him.

Obi-Wan met his eyes, and for a moment, there was shock evident in her face. It was almost instantly replaced by cold anger, the likes of which he had never seen her display before.

He took a slow step forward.

As a Jedi apprentice, Obi-Wan had witnessed the vilest scum of the galaxy, and yet Qui-Gon had only ever seen her look at those beings with pity. She could stare down the evilest, most despicable criminal, and she would somehow find it in her heart to look at what had forced them down their twisted path, to see why they had become what they did. And she would take that knowledge, and she wouldn't forgive, and she wouldn't forget, but she would use it for understanding, compassion, and pity.

And now…

Now, Obi-Wan was looking at him, and her eyes were frozen and her mouth was a hard line and there was hostility radiating from every inch of her. "Ah, so the great Qui-Gon Jinn enters the scene," she said, bitingly. "And just what were you expecting to achieve with this?" she asked, although Qui-Gon could not determine to whom. "A tearful reunion? Joyful laughs?" Her hands, previously placed on her knees, clenched into fists. "Or perhaps your intent was more insidious. Am I supposed to collapse into hysterics? Am I supposed to plead for it to end?" She bared her teeth in a mockery of a smile. "You can go kriff yourself."

Yoda slammed his gimer stick on the floor. "An illusion, this is not! Qui-Gon Jinn, your Master, he is! Speak to us this way, you will not!"

Obi-Wan's head whipped around to face Yoda, quick as a viper. "I will speak to you however I see fit, you-" and here she broke off to curse in a bastardization of what sounded to be Huttese and Mando'a.

Qui-Gon's eyes widened in alarm. He ignored the cursing, although that was inappropriate and terribly out of character for her, especially as it was directed at Master Yoda. He was more focused on something else. "An illusion? Obi-Wan, what?"

She laughed. The sound was more than a bit hysterical. "You expect me to believe that I find myself here because of time travel?" She turned to Qui-Gon. There were tears in her eyes, although if they were from anger or pain he could not tell. "You expect me to believe that the Force has given me, of all people, the opportunity to fix things?"

Qui-Gon was at a loss. He didn't know how to deal with this. Never, never, had Obi-Wan acted so disrespectfully, so irrationally. It was... very frightening, actually. "If you just opened yourself up to the Force-"

Her face twisted into a snarl. "I will do no such thing. And I don't know if you're in my head right now, or if I'm talking to nothing. But if you are, know that I will escape this, I will come for you, and I will burn you for everything you've done."

Qui-Gon stared.

This was not his Obi-Wan. This could not be who his child would grow up to be. In fact, if he hadn't known better, he would have thought that she had Fallen, the way she was so obviously entrenched in hatred for.. whoever she was talking to.

But the Light was swirling around her. It sang low notes of mourning and love, and when Qui-Gon turned to look at Yoda for aid, the ancient one nodded.

Obi-Wan was still of the light.

Something in Qui-Gon felt sick. What he was seeing wasn't genuine hatred and anger. It was an injured animal lashing out at those around it, because it was scared and hurt and incapable of trusting those who would help it.

Force. What had happened to Obi-Wan?


End file.
